realizations, conclusions and pleadings.

[is 'pleadings' i noun? why do i feel the urge to spell noun with a k at the beginning? it's a wild day, this one.]

you remind me of a friend i used to have that i took advantage of pretty awfully. i think that's why i am drawn to you, i need to feel redeemed.

even though you are very much alive, i am beginning to believe in reincarnation because of you. bits of you keep popping up in everyone i know, particularly those i care for deeply. please, i am asking you respectfully, go away.

note to self - admission of guilt is the first step to self-forgiveness.

ps. i'd like to thank "p.s. greetings" for charging $1 for a card and printing on the back that it costs $3.25, thereby giving the impression that i am less cheap than i truly am.

in conclusion, you are appreciated, more than that-you are loved.

i seriously have the best boyfriend.

he watched Matilda with me, the entire way through, smiling at me and loving it when i said what they were going to say before they said it. he appreciates little things about me, and i absolutely love that about him. i'm a lucky, lucky girl.

it's a small, lovely world.

i love when i discover that someone i am friends with now shared an experience with me before we knew each other [ie attended the same concert]

i love spending time with james.

i love that he loves his sister, and i love that he expresses it in his own way [like buying her left for dead 2 so they can play it together when it comes out]

i love having time to relax during the semester, i love it that things aren't so rushed.

i love, absolutely love, getting letters [and presents!] from my wonderful, sweet friend in chile whom i love with so much of my heart and whom i think of every day. she's so wonderful.goodness, i'm goofy-lookin. :]

its whatever, its mario.

i was feeling really good earlier, and i was planning on writing about how great things are and how i think i made the right decision moving out because things with my parents are wonderful and things with james are wonderful, but i don't feel that well right now.

and i wanted to blog, too. i was so looking forward to writing. now i've got nothing.

just a kitten chasing tissue paper and candy wrappers, and a boyfriend playing video games who won't go to bed.

...oh and a stack of homework i haven't finished, due tomorrow.

welcome to november.

that's enough being bummed.

i have it good, so good.


[leave it to karen o. and jamesy to lift my spirits]

no title, take 2

every day at work i am faced with the realization that i am not a very positive person. it's something i have always known. i am easily disappointed, let down, upset. i had convinced myself it was beaten altogether, but lately, like i said, it's become blatantly apparent.
'be happy, think happy, you are happy'
i wish it were so simple.

the good news is that when i come home, things are better. i like myself and my life and my boyfriend and my family and my friends.
it's just, sometimes, i don't like it as much, sometimes.

why can't i escape? will i ever?

3 Characteristics of a Virtuous Person

[according to William Godwin, anarchist]

1. Have benevolent intentions
2. The effects of your actions must actually be beneficial to others.
3. Your actions produce benefits that correspond with your capabilities.

I will strive for this, Virtue.

fall 2009

fall 2009

i've been wanting to do this for a while.
and, despite the issues i've had with it in the past, i guess i'll use this google blog for now. i wanted to use typepad, my cousin chelsea has it and her blog is always beautiful. this will have to suffice, however, because typepad isn't free and i can't justify paying for it right now, even if it is absolutely lovely. [maybe it's because she writes so nicely that typepad seems better..]

anyway, i think i had a revelation yesterday. i was thinking about life and i just felt like i want to take pictures, like i would be okay -better than okay, i would be happy- if that's all i did with my life.
when i went outside a few days ago to take pictures, make pictures as one of my most favorite family members would say, it was for long delayed and much needed photographs of fall. oh, how i love the fall. it's the best season. i love the bright, rich, natural colors of the leaves changing, i love wearing light jackets and sweaters. it's in the fall that i most often think to the day when i'll be like my grandparents, sitting on their porch early in the morning, drinking coffee and watching the leaves fall, before work, of course. :] it just makes me happy to think that no matter how old i am, fall will come once a year, every year, and brighten my spirits.

the point of this is to say that the beauty of fall made me realize how much i love photography, how much i want to keep it from just being a phase i go through. i come back to it often though, even when i have off seasons i always come back to it eventually.fall 2009